Once again, we have hit a nasty bump in the road. I am tired of feeling helpless. I am tired of being the bread winner. I am tired of life. My body aches. My eyesball are sore. My eyelids hurt from wiping away tears. I keep getting nose bleeds. My back hurts. My heart is broke. My blood sugars are out of control. I think my best option now, is to make a list of what I am thankful for. Not just the churchy stuff, but the little everyday things I have noticed.
1. FAMILY. I have the best family. It is true. If I need anything from a babysitter to a can of tomato soup, I know I can call and someone will come running. I still struggle daily with a few members of it, but when the end of the world seems very close, they are the ones who are first in line to offer everything and anything they have.
2. THE LOSERS CLUB. I am proud to be a part of this special group of people. It started out as a way to vent our frusterations with the "Popular Crowd" of the neighborhood. It turned into a bond between neighbors. I am thankful that every woman in the club, has called and offered a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on and a fresh baked meal.
3. JOB. Even though I dread the forty minute commute into work, I am thankful that I have it. I am blessed to work with my family who understand when I have to be late, absent or flighty. I am grateful that, even though I may not make my house payment this month, I will at least be able to feed my child.
4. GARDEN. I cursed those pesky Unreins who wanted to plant a garden in my yard. With all the rain earlier this summer, our garden has not been producing much. That is until now. I went out yesterday and saw a plethora of newly growing cucumbers, zucchini, bell peppers, onions and corn. I love my garden.
5. YOUNG WOMEN. As much as I dread teaching a lesson every single Sunday, my cute little Beehives always greet me with a hug. They are so excited to be at church and are so willing to help out whenever I need it. They are always smiling and laughing. They are a dose of pure entertainment.
7. INFERTILITY. As hard as the last three years have been emotionally, I know that God has a plan for us. I am thankful that now is not our time for a child, even though my arms feel so empty.
8. CHRIST. It is comforting to know that we are not given any more than we can handle. I feel like my head may spin off my neck at any given second, but the Lord knows what I can and can not do. Which, apparently, is alot more than I have ever given myself credit for. I am grateful that at the end of each day, I can lay my troubles out in front of Him and He allows me to finally relax, take a deep breath and fly.
About Me
- *We're Unplugged*
- Darrel and I met on a blind date in May of 2001. We were married in April of 2002 and celebrated the best days of our lives on October 5, 2004, when Jaxon was born and January 12, 2010, when little Keston was placed into our home. We love demolition derbys, camping, four wheeling and lounging around. We are pure Tooele White Trash!
My Family
The New Addition
Layne Bennett Unrein
The Men of The House
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4 comments:
i love you and i love reading your blog! its nice when people can let it all out...
I've walked where you're walking. Dispair, grief, hopelessness, anger, fear... no matter what the cause it all hurts.
It's not going to last forever. Things will get better! My mom always tells me to keep my chin up.
It always helps me to keep an eternal perspective. I think to myself "When I look back at this 25 or 50 years from now what will I think about this experience?" Or "When I'm dead will this be a big deal?"
You are right about your family and friends- we are here for you- whatever you need, you just say the words...except weeding that garden. You're on your own with that. :-)
Just know that even though things may not be as you had hoped for, you still are a real delight to all of our family. Nobody makes us laugh like you do. You can always see the humor in any situation, and I think that one of your most important purposes in this life is do just that, keep us all laughing. I really love and appreciate you. You make going to work fun and I look forward to seeing you there every day. Know that I am there when you need me, and I will always be there when you need me and this too will pass. Love Dad
oh Traci - you are surrounded by a world and a Lord that loves you so much. Life is tough, it's a long hard road, but God only gives us exactly what we can handle. You are so much stronger than you think you are! God would not give you the trials you have if you weren't strong enough to withstand it. Sometimes it's so hard to understand God's plan and why he puts us through what he does, but what I do know is that there is a reason for everything!! There is something bigger and better ahead for you, you just can't see it yet!! I totally feel your pain. So many times I've felt like God was punishing me and I just couldn't understand why? But in the end I had to realize that he is always testing me. Teaching me to grow and learn every single day! We have to endure pain that is uncomfortable in life, but remember it's just a little pain for much bigger rewards!!
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